Too Much Tequila, Too Little Sunscreen

This is my entry in the writers contest. I didn’t win but it was fun to write. The winner’s story blew me away. Bob

Writer’s Digest Contest # 17

Prompt: A 20 something man sits in a taxi in front if his parents’ house, trying to find the strength to tell them that he _______.

Damn, I’m here already. They always seem to go faster when you’re not in a hurry. I was hoping I might to figure out how to tell mom and dad, but nothing’s come to me. “I’ll just be a minute, driver.”

What am I going to say? Mom will freak. Dad will … I don’t know what? The driver’s getting antsy.

“I’ll just be another minute.”

“Take your time, the meters running.”

How’d I get into this mess? Why didn’t I tell mom and dad back when I made my decision? I knew they’d throw a fit but I was hoping, no praying, that I’d come up with some way of soft pedaling it. I’ll break their hearts but I can’t see any way to avoid it?

“Driver, I need a drink. You know a bar around here?”

“Right down the street.”

“Let’s go there for one quick drink.”

A couple of minutes later the driver says, “Here we are, so you want me to wait for you?”

“Yea, I’ll be right out.”

I guzzle two double bourbons; pay my tab and dash back to the taxi. “How about taking the long way back to my folks?”

“What’re you afraid of? It can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, you don’t know my parents.”

“Nothing could be as bad as you’re making it seem.”

“Oh, yes it could.”

“Gimme a break, parents are used to disappointing news from their kids. In fact, my kids are one disappointment after another.”

“Maybe, but my folks had such high hopes. They wanted something better for me.”

“What did you do? Get caught with your pants down with a St. Bernard,” he said as he chuckled to himself.

“No, nothing like that, I just made a decision they won’t approve of and I’m scared to death they won’t be able to handle it.”

“Why don’t you tell me? I might be able to help you with a story for your folks. I’m good at making shit up.”

“Thanks, but you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“You don’t know me; you’ve never met my parents and you think you can … I don’t know, I just don’t know.”

“Look Mac, you’re talking to a world class bullshitter. If there’s a story to be told here, I can do it. Just ask my wife.”

“Nope, I’ve got to do this myself. How much do I owe you?”

“It’ll be twenty six dollars and forty cents if you go by the meter but I’ll tell you what; I’ll knock off ten bucks just to hear your story.”

“Thanks for the offer. Here’s thirty dollars. Keep the change.”

“You mean you’re not going to tell me about your little problem, after all of this. I feel like I know you.”

“Thanks for you help.” I say as I open the door.

“Buddy you’re not getting out a here without telling me what’s goin on. You think you mom will be pissed!”

“Come on driver, I’ve got enough problems without having to put up with you too.”I swung the door open and tried to hop the curb and missed. I went down on the sidewalk just as the driver landed on top of me. I struggled but he had me pinned and I couldn’t move.

“Now, asshole lets hear your story.”

I was stammering when my dad came racing out of the door and pasted the driver with a big right haymaker. The driver fell to the side, grabbed his jaw, stood, looked down at me then headed back to his taxi.

My dad helped me up. “What was that all about?”

“Oh, nothing really … we were just arguing, arguing about … about Obama’s stimulus plan when he tackled me.”

“You were what? Everybody knows Obama is the best damn thing to happen to this country since Roosevelt.”

“I’ve got something important to tell you and mom.”

“Well, dust yourself off and come on in the house.”

“Hi mom.”

“What was all of that trouble out there in the yard?”

“Nothing mom, I just got into a little disagreement with the taxi driver.”

“Well, it looked like more than an argument.”

“Mom, mom and dad, I’ve got something important to tell you.”

“Shoot, what could be such a big deal?”

“I’ve been avoiding telling you and I feel awful telling you like this … but I’ve made a decision, a big decision. I’ve … I’ve joined the Republican Party.”

Mom fainted into dad’s arms as he sunk to his knees.