Introduction
This ranting thing is addictive. Once you start you can find an endless number of things to bitch about. Here’s some more stuff getting under my sun burnt skin.
An I for an I
Is it just me or have you noticed that everyone you talk to is only capable of talking about themselves. All conversations are verbal memoirs full of I, I, I, me, me dialog. This kind of conversation used to be the property of Hollywood assholes and other not too bright egoists. Now everybody’s doing it or maybe it just seems that way because I hang out mostly with older, retired folks.
I challenge you to pick a topic, Obama’s economic stimulus plan, Jessica Simpson’s weight gain, or an old James Cagney movie and have a conversation with someone, be they an old pal or a total stranger. If you can avoid any I or me references you’ll see how pathetic your conversational partner really is. I’m willing to bet he or she will quickly turn the conversation into an all-about-them chat while inserting more I’s and me’s than you could ever count.
These people take everything they hear as a cue to launch into their own personal anecdotes. Are we all that insecure? I’m glad you and I don’t do that.
Litterers and Other Low Lifes
Who throws trash out of their car windows? And, who is tossing all of those cigarette butts on the roadways? I don’t know but they all seem to smoke Marlboro Lights. There must be a lot of these folks if the county road running by my house is any indication. What are we going to do with these scum bags? Capital punishment may be too soft a penalty.
Pit Bulls
Why do we put up with people keeping these things as pets? Week after week we read stories of these animals maiming and killing our children. I know we all love our dogs but these animals are potential killers just waiting to go bonkers.
You can almost domesticate any number of wild animals and treat them as house pets if you’re really into that. But the reason we don’t keep bears or mountain lions as house pets is that they aren’t safe. They can revert back to their normal, wild state at any time and kill someone. Sounds just like a pit bull, doesn’t it. Most cities have ordinances prohibiting us from having “exotic” animals as pets and I strongly believe we should put pit bulls into this category.
I’m not arguing that we should get rid of pit bulls; we should classify them as dangerous, exotic pets and not house dogs.
Bumper Stickers
Have you ever heard or seen something so funny or so interesting that you had to tell it to everyone you see everyday, forever. That’s what bumper stickers essentially do. Bumper stickers and decals are really dumb ideas no matter how passionate you feel about their message. Why, because we change, times change, and everything, even the cleverest joke, soon becomes stale. And, how would you like to be remembered forever as the one guy in town who voted for Bob Dole? Pleasant thought.
Too-Lazy-to-Return-Their-Cart Assholes
I don’t know about you but I always return my shopping cart to the designated return place in the parking lot. It pisses me off to no end to pull into a parking space only to find a shopping cart blocking the way; the cart that some inconsiderate asshole was too lazy to return.
I know we can’t legislate manners or punish the lack thereof but we’ve got to do something about these folks. Any ideas?
Hot-Air Hand Driers
Don’t you hate these things? Okay, the continuous loop of soiled cloth wasn’t much better and paper towels seem to find the floor more often than the waste basket. I guess we don’t have an answer to this nagging problem but these hot-air gadgets are the worst. I’m thinking of hanging a golf towel from my belt loop.
Radio on the Road
Have you ever hunted for a radio station on a car trip away from home? Its tough, isn’t it. I can’t believe the stuff that’s being pumped over the air waves. Let’s see you have a choice of Mexican music, Spanish language talk, a Bible-thumping evangelist, a content-free talk show, or hillbilly music. Maybe I’ll find NPR or a popular music station if I keep hunting. Nope, Mexicana, Mexicana, evangelist #1, more Mexicana, evangelist #2, a Rush Limbaugh wantabe, Mexicana again, and you guessed it, a twangy hillbilly singing something that might be sad if we could only understand him. America’s commercial radio is the best advertisement for satellite radio services you’ll find but I somehow feel funny spending $9.95 a month for something that seems like it should be free.
Snobs and Other Pretentious Pricks
Why are we all so insecure? Insecurity has always surpassed the plague, and everything else for that matter, as the biggest epidemic of all time. We all exhibit our insecurities in a couple of ways; the most common being an obsession with talking about oneself and only oneself. But the manifestation that really gets to me is snobbery. These assholes have to continuously remind us of how important, rich, accomplished, or socially connected they are and we ain’t.
Being a pseudo snob wouldn’t be so bad if they could go about their snobbery without being condescending and continually reminding us that they are somehow better than we are. It’s their “I am (insert a word) and you’re not,” attitude that really gets me going. No one wants to be made to feel inferior to anyone else even when it might be true.
Screw these people!
©2009 by Bob Rockwell
Too Much Tequila, Too Little Sunscreen 