Too Much Tequila, Too Little Sunscreen

Write the opening sentence (25 words or fewer) to a story based on the photo prompt below.

 “I’m not kidding Bill; it felt like it was this big.” 11 words

 “Okay I give; now you can take that gun out of my ribs … er … that’s not a gun.” 20 words

 “My last boyfriend had shoulders this wide and a … ah … I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.” 19 words

 “The last time I used my hair spray instead of deodorant on my underarms I was only like this for an hour or so.” 24 words

 “Look, I can tune the radio with no hands.” 9 words

 “I’ll give you this long to get your hand out from under my dress.” 14 words

 “I ain’t ever had a shaving rash like this before.” 10 words

 “One more latch and you’ll have it ― I’ll never buy another bra like this again.” 16 words