My MD sent me to the ICU for an MRI after he read my EEG. Is this any way to talk? I refuse to use initials for things that I don’t really understand. Just so you might avoid giving CPR to a DOA, I put together this little quiz. Now let’s see if you really know what you’re talking about.
MRI
A. Martha Rants Incessantly
B. Mary’s Really Interesting
C. Magnetic Resonance Imaging
D. My Romeo’s Impotent
TGIF
A. The Glacier Is Floating
B. Thank God It’s Friday
C. That Gross Indian Farted
D. Talk Gilda Into Flossing
CPR
A. Clyde Pees Regularly
B. Child Pornography Reeks
C. Classic Poems Rhyme
D. CardioPulmonary Resuscitation
DNC
A. Dilation aNd Curettage
B. Dogs Need Combing
C. Dissecting Nude Cadavers
D. Date Nasty Chicks
GPA
A. Grace Plays Around
B. George Pukes After
C. Grade Point Average
D. Gladys Pickles Artichokes
DOA
A. Don’t Overdose Again
B. Deer Outrun Antelope
C. Dead On Arrival
D. Drink Only Anisette
DDS
A. Dip-shits Drink Soda
B. Delores Digs Sodomy
C. Doctor of Dental Science
D. Don’t Drink Schlitz
EKG
A. Evelyn’s Kinda Gross
B. ElectroCardioGram
C. Ericka Knits Garters
D. Enjoy Kinky Girls
FACP
A. Fellow of the American College of Physicians
B. Fat And Chubby Polynesians
C. Frustrated Alice Cried Pathetically
D. False Advertising Cheats Patrons
ASAP
A. Always Sleep After Partying
B. Alice Screwed A Peruvian
C. Avoid Skunks And Porcupines
D. As Soon As Possible
PDQ
A. Platypuses Don’t Quack
B. Pantyhose Dry Quickly
C. Pretty Damn Quick
D. Paula Does Quaaludes
DEA
A. Dilbert Earned Accolades
B. Drug Enforcement Administration
C. Daniel Enjoys Affixation
D. Dorthy Eats Anchovies
FAA
A. Forget Angry Assholes
B. Flinch After Acupuncture
C. Federal Aviation Administration
D. Farting Angers Annie
USN
A. Use Sanitary Napkins
B. Uma Sucks Noodles
C. United States Navy
D. Under Sheila’s Nose
Too Much Tequila, Too Little Sunscreen 
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