Too Much Tequila, Too Little Sunscreen

  a bumper sticker that says it all        

The coming presidential election scares the hell out of me. I don’t know how we’ll get through four years with either of these clowns. I thought the primaries were high comedy, and I couldn’t wait to hear what those goofballs would come up with next, but as we’re getting down to the wire I’m getting panicky. We’re going to elect one of these two totally unacceptable, un-everything candidates. CNN is running election coverage 24/7 and the candidates, such as they are, are spending all their time bashing each other. Neither has a platform other than the other guy is worse, and in that case they are right. I want to pull the covers over my head and have it all go away.

I’ve always prided myself in voting for the man and not the party although my affiliations have ran along party lines. I started out a staunch Goldwater fiscal conservative, morphed into a Ted Kennedy-like liberal after the religious right got a foothold in the Republican Party. That was the beginning of the end of the party of Lincoln, as best as I can tell. Trump is the absolute end. I later became an independent only because they wouldn’t let me list confused, disgusted, or apathetic on my registration form.

My “vote for the person and not the party” won’t work this year. I don’t like (can’t stand) or respect either candidate. What are we to do?

If you’re totally fed up with the way things are going, and you hate Obama then you should probably vote for Trump. Why, because he’s different (you can say that again) and he’s an outsider. He’ll change things; that’s for sure. But if things are going pretty well for you and you’d love to see a woman president, even if she’s a lying crook, you should vote for Hillary.

The only thing I can say positive about these two dingalings, is that Trump is an outsider and Hillary is a woman. Isn’t this pathetic?

Or, you could abstain or vote for Mickey Mouse, Yogi Bear, or some such character, just to show the country how you feel. This will work if you can talk a few million or so other voters to do the same. Your one vote for Elmer Fudd won’t even register on Richter scale.

How about our two third party candidates, Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson or Green Party nominee Jill Stein. They have no chance whatsoever of doing anything other than taking a few votes away from the two major candidates. Remember how Clinton’s victory over the elder Bush was because H. Ross Perot drew a slew of conservative votes destined for Bush. Clinton ended up with nearly 45 million votes, Bush 39 million, and Perot almost 20 million. And in 2000 Ralph Nader, the Green Party candidate, filched enough of Gore’s votes for George W. to win. Now we’ve got someone to blame for Bush’s failed economic policies and our hopeless entanglement in winless wars, Ralph Nader. So if you vote for Johnson or Stein you’ll be casting a vote for the other guy. Got it, a third party candidate has never won the presidency.

I was pondering all this when a friend reminded me of the open Supreme Court seat, and asked if I wanted to see the court swing more liberal or more conservative. There, that’s the answer.

I now know who I’m going to vote for. I won’t tell you because I’m too embarrassed, and long after my candidate makes a mess of things, I’ll deny ever having voted for him or her.

That’s the American way.