Too Much Tequila, Too Little Sunscreen
A collection of short stories
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We’ve got a lot of time to kill until nine tonight. I’ve got my fingers crossed that Juanita is on the level and we’ll actually meet Emilio. I’ve got to do something with Boner. There’s no way I’m bringing him back in there and letting the large evening crowd fight over his boner. What should…
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We are unusually quiet as we speed west on I-10. Boner mumbles something about César and Chui seems to be repeating what sounds like a rosary over and over. I break the silence with, “So what do we do when we get to Phoenix? I suppose I could look up my old drug contacts ……
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Boner looks everywhere. He runs around in his night shirt with his boner bouncing shouting, “César, ambapo ni wewe? César, ambapo ni wewe?” But they are gone, long gone. Chui is scared — big time scared. If his pack doesn’t get to the intended contact he is a dead man, no excuses, dead, dead, dead.…
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“You know, Boner, maybe we should fix this place up. Did you hear what Deputy Dip-Shit said about me never doing anything around here? Got any ideas of what we could fix up?” “Si kidokezo.” “How about we get the ranch surveyed? I must have been loaded when we bought this place. I … uh…
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I sprint to the door, struggle with the lock and finally yank the damn thing open only to find my buddy, Carlos, grinning in the moonlight. “Hola Carlos.” “Hola Señor Bob.” “What brings you by at this late … or is it an early hour … I would suggest this is an early hour rather…
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“Get my rifle Josefina; here it comes again,” I yell without taking my eyes from my binoculars. “I’ll get that son of a bitch this time.” “Get it yourself; you’re not going to hit it anyway.” “Ah come on, if I take my eyes off of it, I’ll lose it.” “Go ahead and lose it.…
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alisema, Bob, maiti – – he’s dead, Bob, dead ambapo ni wewe – – where are you ambapo ni sisi – – where are we asubuhi njema – – good morning basi fun kuanza – – let the fun begin fuck wewe pia – – fuck you too hebu kufanya baadhi ya Tequila – –…
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Boner A Novel by Bob Rockwell © 2011 by Bob Rockwell No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the permission of the author. ISBN: 978-1-105-09282-4 Printed in the United States of America Preview After writing and publishing a host of short stories and…
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The Wit, Levity and Inanity of Bob Rockwell Alone in the Dark was how I wrote all of these stories. I won’t tell you that I was in my pajamas and drinking beer in the early hours of the morning, because you’d think even less of me. The hardest part of writing is that I…
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You’ll find this hard to believe but I was a Boy Scout once, and a pretty darn good one at that. I was my troop’s senior patrol leader before I became more interested in playing with the neighbor girl than tying knots. I learned a lot in the Boy Scouts. Things like . . .…